heydoc

long time...

Sat, 23 May 2009 20:13:16 GMT

Since I've checked in...but that's ok. I've been keeping busy working and have been dating a new guy for about 3 months but it's been tough because his mother just died of colon cancer - which is the same thing my mom died from. Sad. Very sad. It pushed alot of buttons for me watching him go through what I did...

Wow!

Sat, 03 Jan 2009 14:31:57 GMT

It's 2009, it's been awhile since I posted here and I have a full day to do whatever I want! I do have to pack to leave for Virginia where I will work for the next week. My plane flies out tomorrow. Fortunately, Petey gets to be dog sat by a friend that thinks he's awesome. Last time he came back from her place, I had to get him on his treadmill to work off some of the little fat rolls he'd seemed to have behind his halter.

Don't know why this is so funny...

Sat, 04 Oct 2008 23:16:30 GMT

But it makes me laugh my ass off....

A reflection of our health care system

Sat, 27 Sep 2008 13:51:34 GMT

A sweet elderly woman called the hospital and asked, "Is it possible to speak to someone who can tell me how a patient is doing?

The operator said "I'll be glad to help, dear. What's the name and room number?'

The old woman, in a weak and tremulous voice, responded, "Norma Findlay, Room 302."

"Let me place you on hold", replied the operator, "while I check with her nurse."

After a few minutes the operator returned to the phone and said, "Oh,I have good news, her nurse just told me that Norma is doing very well. Her blood pressure is fine; her blood work just came back as normal, and Normal and her physician, Dr.Cohen, has scheduled her to be discharged on Tuesday.'

"Thank you!" said the caller. "I was so worried. God bless you for the good news."

"You're more than welcome," the operator replied warmly. "Is Norma your daughter?"

"No," said the elderly woman, "I'm Norma Findlay in 302. No one tells me shit."

Language evolution

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 23:05:19 GMT

Euro-English

European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy.

The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as re plasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.

Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.

Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If you're having a bad day...

Fri, 26 Sep 2008 02:37:59 GMT

http://i183.photobucket.com/albums/x1/blue_sky_01/molerat.jpg

Remember, it could be worse.

Time to smile...

Fri, 05 Sep 2008 15:17:00 GMT

A crusty old man walks into a bank and says to the teller at the window, "I want to open a damn checking account."

To which the astonished woman replies, I beg your pardon, sir; I must have misunderstood you. What did you say?"

"Listen up, damn it. I said I want to open a damn checking account right now!"

"I'm very sorry sir, but we do not tolerate that kind of language in this bank."

So saying, the teller leaves the window and goes over to the bank manager to tell him about her situation.

They both return and the manager asks the old geezer, "What seems to be the problem here?"

"There's no friggin’ problem, dammit!" the man says; "I just won $50 million bucks in the damn lottery and I want to open a damn checking account in this damn bank!"

"I see," says the manager, "and this bitch is giving you a hard time?

Kind of cool!

Sun, 03 Aug 2008 12:40:42 GMT

This is cool to watch. I loved water balloon fights as a kid.

More random oneliners...

Sat, 02 Aug 2008 15:36:03 GMT

I planted some bird seed. A bird came up. Now I don't know what to feed it.

I had amnesia once -- or twice.

I went to San Francisco. I found someone's heart. Now what?

Protons have mass? I didn't even know they were Catholic.

All I ask is a chance to prove that money can't make me happy.

If the world was a logical place, men would ride horses sidesaddle.

What is a "free" gift? Aren't all gifts free?

They told me I was gullible ... and I believed them.

Teach a child to be polite and courteous in the home and, when he grows up, he'll never be able to merge his car onto a freeway.

Two can live as cheaply as one, for half as long.

Experience is the thing you have left when everything else is gone.

What if there were no hypothetical questions?

One nice thing about egotists: They don't talk about other people.

When the only tool you own is a hammer, every problem begins to look like a nail.

A flashlight is a case for holding dead batteries.

What was the greatest thing before sliced bread?

My weight is perfect for my height -- which varies.

I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not sure.

The cost of living hasn't affected its popularity.

How can there be self-help "groups"?

Is there another word for synonym?

Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all"?

The speed of time is one-second per second.

Is it possible to be totally partial?

What's another word for thesaurus?

Is Marx's tomb a communist plot?

If swimming is so good for your figure, how do you explain whales?

Show me a man with both feet firmly on the ground, and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants off.

It's not an optical illusion. It just looks like one.

Is it my imagination, or do buffalo wings taste like chicken?

Something to smile about...

Sun, 27 Jul 2008 21:42:35 GMT

One liners

* Energizer Bunny arrested - charged with battery.
* A man's home is his castle, in a manor of speaking.
* A pessimist's blood type is always b-negative.
* My wife really likes to make pottery, but to me it's just kiln time.
* Dijon vu - the same mustard as before.
* A Freudian slip is when you say one thing but mean your mother.
* I used to work in a blanket factory, but it folded.
* I used to be a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the chop.
* A hangover is the wrath of grapes.
* Corduroy pillows are making headlines.
* Is a book on voyeurism a peeping tome?
* Dancing cheek-to-cheek is really a form of floor play.
* Sea captains don't like crew cuts.
* Does the name Pavlov ring a bell?
* A successful diet is the triumph of mind over platter.
* A gossip is someone with a great sense of rumour.
* Without geometry, life is pointless.
* When you dream in colour, it's a pigment of your imagination.
* Reading whilst sunbathing makes you well-red.
* When two egotists meet, it's an I for an I.
* Too often, we lose sight of life's simple pleasures...

How do they circumcise whales?
They send down four skindivers.

"Doctor, Doctor. I feel like a pair of curtains!"
"Go home and pull yourself together."

Researchers have discovered that excessive masturbation can cause sudden attacks of dyslexia. Hwoever htis is olny ni extreem cas s off ovre doing it. K.O?

Monkeys crack me up!

Sun, 06 Jul 2008 17:14:46 GMT

Watching one screw around with tiger cubs had me laughing out loud...

Boot is gone!

Fri, 04 Jul 2008 04:34:48 GMT

Oh my God, I was so sick of the piece of luggage attached to my foot. It was like dragging an anchor all over the lab while I worked. Freedom! woohooo! Talk about independence, I feel renewed!

Fish story

Sat, 28 Jun 2008 14:53:45 GMT

I have seen this picture before but never read the story accompanying it. I am not sure this is real but if it is, pretty amazing! Animals are cool in my estimation no matter what species they are!

http://www.todaystmj4.com/bloggers/lanceallan/18676429.html

This is really cool...

Sun, 01 Jun 2008 20:44:36 GMT

Imagine if you had to work this hard for a drink of water...

Day 7 in the boot

Sun, 25 May 2008 18:43:03 GMT

I had a bone scan and found out I have a stress fracture in the medial cuneform tarsal bone. I resigned myself to wrapping the foot and wearing a walking boot per the podiatrist recommendations. This thing is like carrying a log whereever you go. I went to the gym this morning and watched my crew play racquetball and did what leg workouts I could. It's hard to keep after it when it really doesn't hurt, I just have to drag this thing around with me. Ok, whine over...

Stair climbing

Sat, 17 May 2008 22:05:48 GMT

Here's a pic of the stairs my friend and I have been doing laps on Saturday mornings. It's a kick ass workout and it's so beautiful out there. You can see for miles - in between gasping for breath.

Politics, politics!

Sun, 11 May 2008 18:30:14 GMT

While walking down the street one day a US senator is tragically hit by a truck and dies.

His soul arrives in heaven and is met by St. Peter at the Golden Gate

"Welcome to heaven," says St. Peter. "Before you settle in, it seems there is a problem. We seldom see a high official around these parts, you see, so we're not sure what to do with you."

"No problem, just let me in," says the man.

"Well, I'd like to, but I have orders from higher up. What we'll do is have you spend one day in hell and one in heaven. Then you can choose where to spend eternity."

"Really, I've made up my mind. I want to be in heaven," says the senator.

"I'm sorry, but we have our rules."

And with that, St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell. The doors open and he finds himself in the middle of a green golf course. In the distance is a clubhouse and standing in front of it are all his friends and other politicians who had worked with him.

Everyone is very happy and in evening dress. They run to greet him, shake his hand, and reminisce about the good times they had while getting rich at the expense of the people.

They play a friendly game of golf and then dine on lobster, caviar and champagne.

Also present is the devil, who really is a very friendly guy who has a good time dancing and telling jokes. They are having such a good time that before he realizes it, it is time to go.

Everyone gives him a hearty farewell and waves while the elevator rises...

The elevator goes up, up, up and the door reopens on heaven where St.
Peter is waiting for him.

"Now it's time to visit heaven."

So, 24 hours pass with the senator joining a group of contented souls moving from cloud to cloud, playing the harp and singing. They have a good time and, before he realizes it, the 24 hours have gone by and St. Peter returns.

"Well then, you've spent a day in hell and another in heaven. Now choose your eternity."

The senator reflects for a minute, then he answers: "Well, I would never have said it before, I mean heaven has been delightful, but I think I would be better off in hell."

So St. Peter escorts him to the elevator and he goes down, down, down to hell.

Now the doors of the elevator open and he's in the middle of a barren land covered with waste and garbage.

He sees all his friends, dressed in rags, picking up the trash and putting it in black bags as more trash falls from above.

The devil comes over to him and puts his arm around his shoulder. "I don't understand," stammers the senator. "Yesterday I was here and there was a golf course and clubhouse, and we ate lobster and caviar, drank champagne, and danced and had a great time. Now there's just a wasteland full of garbage and my friends look miserable. What happened?"

The devil looks at him, smiles and says, "Yesterday we were campaigning...... Today you voted."

Good to be back!

Tue, 06 May 2008 14:58:43 GMT

Wow, try going to another place entirely and performing your same job...it's enlightening! It's very good to be back. I am used to a high pace and rapid response to requests for medical care. I was seeing a very relaxed, slow pace with not much to do...I am so much happier when my natural high energy drive is being utilized to perform my job. It's a balancing act...too much can certainly stress me out.

I did get the chance to do the tourist thing in DC and saw the WWII memorial, Lincoln, Korea and Vietnam memorial...watching folks scrubbing names off the wall and reading the tributes left at the wall's base was very humbling and left me a little saddened. War sucks. Seeing the statuary for the Korean war was kind of eerie...they are a bit larger than life and have a haunted quality to them. The WWII memorial is a bit more uplifting overall, Lincoln's has a ton of stairs, and gives an awesome view of the Washington monument. All in all, a very interesting weekend. The weather was gorgeous, 80's on Saturday and mid 70's on Sunday. I had good meals, made new friends and saw cool things. But, it's always good to be home.

Petey got so excited to see me he bashed me in the jaw a few times with that hard little head of his...*S* I immediately took him for a walk to try to release a bit of pent up energy. It was nice to have my dog beside me again!

airport delay

Wed, 30 Apr 2008 21:30:38 GMT

what a shock! An hour delay on my flight to DC. At least the iPhone is charged!!

Spaghetti

Wed, 23 Apr 2008 11:35:57 GMT

A wealthy man was having an affair with an Italian woman for several years. One night, during one of their rendezvous, she confided to him that she was pregnant. Not wanting to ruin his reputation or his marriage, he would pay her a large sum of money if she would go to Italy to secretly have the child. If she stayed in Italy to raise the child, he would also provide child support until the child turned 18. She agreed, but asked how he would know when the baby was born. To keep it discrete, he told her to simply mail him a post card, and write "Spaghetti" on the back. He would then arrange for child support payments to begin.

One day, about 8 months later, he came home to his confused wife. His wife said, "Honey, you received a very strange post card today."

"Oh, just give I t to me and I'll explain it," he said. The wife handed him the card and watched as her husband read the card, turned white and collapsed.

On the card was written: "Spaghetti, Spaghetti, Spaghetti. Two with meatballs, one without! Request bread..."

Caught!

Sun, 13 Apr 2008 23:29:27 GMT

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w4aub8W13lY

Clever foreign commercial for condoms.

This is kind of amusing too...

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:46:32 GMT

http://www.useless-site.com/images/posters/the%20bible.jpg

This cartoon rocks.

Wed, 09 Apr 2008 02:29:40 GMT

http://hurryupharry.bloghouse.net/archives/cartoon.jpg

I love stories like this...

Tue, 08 Apr 2008 23:01:27 GMT

Two monks were once traveling together down a muddy road. A heavy rain was falling. Coming around the bend, they met a lovely girl in a silk kimono and sash, unable to cross the intersection. “Come on, girl,” said the first monk. Lifting her in his arms, he carried her over the mud. The second monk did not speak again until that night when they reached a lodging temple. Then he no longer could restrain himself. “We monks don’t go near females,” he said. “It is dangerous. Why did you do that?” “I left the girl there,” the first monk said. “Are you still carrying her?”

Mother nature

Sat, 05 Apr 2008 13:20:39 GMT

Ya just can't beat her for her sense of humor....

http://www.pepperjoe.com/peterpage2.html